Prologue to Season 8

Helen is trying to figure out who, what, where and why, talking to herself out loud, as usual. But how to deal with acquiring superpowers in her late 70s? Isn't the Chosen One supposed to be a teenager? Can one old woman save the planet? Her daughter Janey is worrie about her, but there's nothing new in that. Granddaughter Susie thinks Gran should be allowed to go out without her phone occasionally.

Transcript

Ep 1 S 8 “Prologue”

Flloyd

Thunder's Mouth Theatre Presents "Am I Old Yet? A Coming of Age with a Difference audio fiction comedy podcast documenting the life and times of one ordinary elderly woman who has recently discovered that she has some remarkable superpowers. This is episode 1 of season 8, and it takes the form of a prologue. [MUSIC]

[WALKING IN THE PARK]
Helen

Okay, here we go again, trying to get my thoughts into some kind of order, see if I can figure out how to move on from this mad adventure that I've been on. Oh, my goodness me. What a load of nonsense.

Superpowers. For goodness sake!

Although I can't help wondering if I always had that ability to blow things around. Doesn't seem very likely. I think I'd have noticed it.

But. Then again, maybe not. I don't think anybody knows what they're really capable of. Ever. Daisies are out. It must be summer not far off, anyway. Well, that's good. As long as the sun keeps shining and the Earth keeps turning, there will be seasons. So no, Mother Earth is right. We don't have to worry about the planet. How can we be responsible for the planet if we can't be responsible for ourselves? It's like expecting a little two year old child to be responsible for her parents. She has to learn to take responsibility for herself at some stage, and then she might grow up with enough common sense to know how to look after her, care for her parents.

Oh, my goodness. Whatever. Did I go wrong with Janey? Because she always thought she was responsible for me. Oh, I didn't mean to do that to her. And I didn't even realize it was happening. Oh, don't go there. Don't go back. We're where we are now. That's what's important. We're here and now. I'm still here. I ain't dead yet. Oh, gee, I love that show. "Spamalot". That's pretty much all I can remember about it is that wonderful character who keeps getting tossed onto the dead bodies wagon and hops up saying, I'm not dead yet.

Oh, God. That's me now. I used to think it was hilarious. Now I have to just keep reminding myself. And yet do I really have to run around trying to save the planet? Yeah, I suppose I do, actually. Set an example, right. No, that's not what it's about either.

Just about being responsible for myself. To myself. Yeah, I don't think I'd feel very good about myself if I just backed off. So what to do? ...[MUSIC. PHONE RINGING]

Janey

Come on, Susie, pick up. Would you start doing this to me, too?

Susie [ON THE PHONE]

Hi, mom.

Janey

Oh, there you are, darling. Are you busy?

Susie

Well, I guess so. I'm getting ready to go to work.

Janey

At this time of day?

Mom, it's 07:00 a.m. Here in Sydney. Are you all right?

Oh, well, I'm sorry to bother you. I just wanted to chat.

Susie

Oh, really? How's Gran?

Janey

She's fine.

Susie

You don't sound too sure about that.

Janey

Well, she is. It's just that she's started going off, wandering about without her phone, and it does make it rather difficult to get hold of her.

Susie

Well, when did you last speak to her?

Janey

Yesterday.

Susie

And how was she?

Janey

Oh, she's fine. No, she's just fine.

Susie

But you're worried about her?

Janey

Well, yes. It's the habit of a lifetime. I really can't help, it,

Susie

Really. Have you always been worried about her?

Janey

I suppose so, yes, because when I was little, she was—well, she didn't abandon me or anything, but she used to go off inside her head and I just couldn't seem to reach her.

Oh, yes. I know what you mean. You do that, too, you know.

Do I? I certainly do not.

Susie

Oh, yes, Mum, you do. And so do I. I think everybody does.

Janey

Well, yes, but not to small children. Really?

Susie

Well, I wouldn't know. I don't have any,

Janey

No!

Susie

Oh, don't get that tone of voice with me, Mum. It's not going to happen for a very long time.

Janey

How do you know that?

Susie

Well, because I have this terribly old fashioned view that it's rather nice for a child to have two parents. And I know because I so appreciated having you and Dad in my life. And I know you only had Gran, and I'd rather any children of mine have my kind of upbringing.

Janey

Oh, well, I agree with that. Yes. You go ahead and do that. When you're ready. Yes, when you're ready, darling. Yes, of course. Okay, darling. Lovely to talk to you.

Susie

You, too, Mum. Take care. Love to Gran.

Janey

Okay, bye. [MUSIC]

Helen

Working party is working away. Haven't done anything yet, but they do seem to be meeting up at regular intervals and being reasonably good at not leaking anything on social media to the press. That's impressive. Not a lot of people can do that these days. [CLATTERING SOUND]

Whoops! A pigeon trying to land on the sloping bonnet of a car and finding it's not stable? Flapping his wings, maybe her wings. I don't know. Flapping wings. I think that's what I've been doing for the past few weeks, trying to get a grip. Trying to steady myself on a slippery sloping bonnet of a car. Flapping my wings so that I don't just crash to the ground. No wonder I'm exhausted. Yeah, okay. I'm glad I figured that out. So what to do? Find a stable place to land or fly off? Oh, no, we're not going to do that.

I'm not going anywhere. They're not chasing me away.

Who do you think is chasing you away?

No one is chasing you away. I know. My own devil. It's that, too. My own devil. But it's not happening. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying. Yeah, but I know. I'm not talking about moving. In actual geography, whatever it's called. What I have to find is a new head space. That's it. A head space where I can think clearly or take instructions, if that's what needs to happen.

Where are they, anyway? Haven't heard sight nor sign of those Greeks. Immortal Greeks. Oh, God. Just imagine being immortal. What a drag.

That must be. No wonder they went cuckoo back in the day. Outrageous.

Oh, well, anyway, they'll pop up when they need to. Actually, I wonder—hang on. ..[MUSIC]

Flloyd

And that was episode one of season eight of Am I Old Yet? Just easing ourselves gently back into the story and we'll see how it goes, with more characters rocking up next week to give Helen a hard time. Or not, as the case may be. I played Helen and Janey and Susie in today's episode.

Now, I would like to give a shout out to lovely people who've been donating and helping the podcast to stay alive, giving me moral support as well as financial support. There's Margi Brown Ash, our beautiful patron in Brisbane. There's Joanna Cazden, also a Patreon patron.

Joanna's somewhere on the east coast of America. And there's Scott, who's somewhere else in America. There have also been some lovely words posted over on the website, very encouraging and supportive. From Sanita Guddu. She has a podcast called the Legacy Fundraising podcast. And then there was a review from Cathy Dixon of RebCat Creations. Cathy congratulated me on the quality of the edit, so that made me very happy. And I also had a really sweet, very kind message from the actor and voice actor Karim Kronfly, saying how much he was enjoying listening to the podcast.

So there you go.

It is just so lovely when you hear from people who are actually listening and enjoying it. And now I want to say thank you to you for listening and don't forget the music. That's John T. LaBarbera's In the Labyrinth from his album, which you will find on Bandcamp. Thanks for listening. Stay safe. [MUSIC]